she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
