I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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