Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
