Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
