dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
