Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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