dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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