haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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