mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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