Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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