All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
ttyl tear gas
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
