How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
