I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
