Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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