Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
