Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
