So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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