You really coming over, don't trick.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
