Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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