I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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