I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
