i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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