did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
