You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Floor bacon is actually really good
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
