I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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