i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
