He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
