After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
