mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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