Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
