I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
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def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
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You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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