Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
