Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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