Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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