Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
