The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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