I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
