waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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