Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
