please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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