vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
