Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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