I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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