I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
time to smoke my breakfast
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Oh god it's open bar.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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