There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
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Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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