Screwed.edu
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
