Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
