Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Pants are for mortals
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
