Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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