I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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