you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
