i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
