He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
