youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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