sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
