LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my shit smells like andre
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
