and you said cock pushups were impossible
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Someone came in the potted fern
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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