is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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