Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
