You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
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Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
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i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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