Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
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I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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