my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
